Awareness of balance to a grounded individual

One thing that kung fu has done for me, is made me more aware of my "self". It has made me more aware of my inner being, what makes me tick and why. The trick is the ability to control it, which takes me back to my previous blog entry. If you read that, you will see the progression or non-progression of events taking place in my kung fu/ life.

I have felt the build up coming on for a while. The past two months I have worked about 800 hours. This is where for me things get ugly; I feel grounded and I know where being grounded is for me; I'm also aware of balance and where I am on the scale. I hit bottom a while ago and kept pushing myself through. I've tried to recapture myself but it got a way on me... I blew a gasket today.

Work for me has been ugly stressful so far this year, rain for the first two months (next to no work), then none stop work for the past two months. I have been assigned contractors who don't practice the same quality of work, and haven't meet my standards through this duration, which means micromanaging my projects (that's another story)..............all of a sudden, SNAP! The worst of it is, I felt it coming and I let myself down. I lost self control and finally blew up at the contractor!

What have I gained through this, besides a few good pay cheques...not much! My family life has suffered, my kung fu has suffered and my spiritual maintenance has suffered, even work sucked because it had become work (the enjoyment disappeared) and I'm still sitting on the bottom of the scale. I have my justifiable reasons for going to work, just like everyone else.

I need to listen to my body and most of all take action. I got too caught up in pleasing the people who supply me with work, the money and keeping my family feed! The last one is important, but there needs to be a balance.

This occurrence was a big part of me challenging the UBBT this year. Last year, I became overwhelmed with everything, "balance", actually it has been that way for about 17 years. When I work the hours I do and the long durations, short run balance is difficult to achieve.

Weird place to end, but I just needed to release.


Darcy Regier, Silent River Kung Fu, UBBT, Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada