Decision Time

I have been waffling back and forth about committing to the I Ho Chuan year of the sheep.  I don't achieve so many things that I set as goals for the year and yet I get way more done than I thought possible.  I put myself thru all kinds of anxiety and stress trying to achieve all those goals and failing.

But on the other hand I get to Lion Dance, I am encouraged and supported in my creation of forms,  I participate in so many events and activities that Silent River hosts and/or promotes, I hang out with awesome and motivating martial artists.

Its great being part of the team and its horrible when I fail in my commitment to the team.

I have rewritten my goals so many times this month ... trying to balance what I believe I can achieve, with what the point of the goal setting parameters are --- to make my self try harder and achieve more.  To push past my fears of performing,  of looking foolish,  of looking not worthy of the belt I wear.

I decided to submit my list of goals,  part of the motivation is the 2nd paragraph which is very positive, the other motivating factor is negative, it just ?????? me off that I am afraid.  And when I am afraid I get angry and stubborn, maybe not the most inspiring motivation for others but it pushes me to do more.