It is easy to say that you will travel your journey publicly, it is quite another to do it. It means sharing all your trial as well as your triumphs. It is not as easy as it sounds.
I struggle with my nerves, when I get nervous, I say things that are uncharacteristic and I do things that I am unaware of. I am not even sure if I can explain this very well. My main goal this year is to get a handle on my nerves. This means that I will be able to perform in situations where I am really nervous (such as the black belt test). My plan is to put myself in situations where I am uncomfortable and nervous and try to perform. This week there was some action to my plan and it was pretty scarey. I decided that I needed to break some boards in front of a whole bunch of people. Sounds like a great idea, not so easy to put into practice. The busiest time at the kwoon is between classes, so that was the time that I chose. Two very cool things happened that night; one - I managed to focus on only the task at hand and not on all the people watching and two - I learned that I am not performing as well as I could be and narrowed down what I should be working on. The next thing that I did was volunteer to be in a demonstration for our school. This, I figure, was another good way to test the nerves, be able to perform my form in public. This turned out not too bad as well, I am pretty sure that I got through the whole form, it wasn't my best performance but I learned more about how I move when I am nervous.
All in all a good but hard week. I will continue to share my journey, even the hardest parts to the best of my ability.
Robyn Kichko
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain, AB, Canada
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