Preparing For Round Two

This morning started off early.  Off to hockey, rush to the kwoon, off to the library, back to the kwoon for a meeting, shopping for Christmas boxes, stop at the pet store (came back with two fish, don’t know how that happened) and then back home to spend the evening with my boys.  As exhausted as I feel, somehow I haven’t been able to fall asleep, so here I write.

Today I made my first attempt publically to break my boards at the demo at the library.  I was not successful.  The weird thing is, I’m not feeling the same defeat and frustration I felt, this time last week. All afternoon and evening I have been thinking about a comment that Sifu Brinker made at todays I Ho Chuan meeting.  He was talking about the importance of a public journal, especially making our failures public.  Ouch!  For someone who isn’t a fan of getting up in front of people anyway, being up front for everyone to see me fail was kind of hard to swallow (especially knowing there was evidence on tape).  This comment really stuck with me all day.  Its so much safer to fail in private.  If we never take a risk we won’t get past those things that stand in our way.  If we let the fear of failure keep us from trying things or think we need to keep trudging on our own, how is anyone ever supposed to know when or where we may need help?  Yes this is our own personal journey; however, we are fortunate to belong to a school of encouraging and empathetic fellow students and instructors who are there to help when we hit road blocks.  I have experienced this firsthand the last week.  I had to bottom out before I was willing to admit where I was, but when I did I was met with encouragement and advice, and I thank everyone for that. 

Some people may see reaching out as a sign of weakness, but I disagree.  I think it takes honesty and true strength to admit that things aren’t great, that we are struggling and that we need help.  I have also come to the conclusion that it is what we choose to do with those ‘failures’ that determines whether they truly are a failure or just an opportunity to try again and to grow in the process.

So here I am with the ‘opportunity’ to try again.  I will probably watch the video over and over to see what went wrong and what I can change to make my next time a success.  I am still disappointed but I have to admit I have learned a lot from this.  I have discovered that yes, I can break a board and that no, it doesn’t have to hurt.  I have learned that I can’t and am not willing to give up.  I have learned that I can’t let a failure in one thing take over the successes I may have in other things.  Isn't it through our mistakes and failures we sometimes learn the most?  So I prepare for round two!

Alana Regier

http://alanaregier.blogspot.ca