Friday, August 8, 2014

Super-nothingness

I am not superwoman. I am not supermom. I am not super anything. I, like everyone else, am just trying to stay afloat. Any facade of superness that you may see, is just that - a facade. I like to shine it up and make it sparkle so that it will appear super giving me a nice cover to hide behind. But still, it is just a facade. I am real. Just like everyone else. I struggle. I feel pain. I lose hope. I rebound. I am real. And in all this, I am amazing. Amazing having nothing to do with being super and everything to do with being me. Yes, I am not super-anything. But I am amazing. Just Like You!

So, removing any facade that I am super-anything. I guess I can admit that I have been struggling with feeling disconnected from Kung Fu. I tend to get bored easily. I want more. After 634 reps of my fan form, I don't feel anywhere close to mastering the form but I do feel bored out of my rocker. I need more. So after going through a whole array of unhealthy thoughts, I decided to learn another fan form. Just an attempt to keep me from going insane. It is a taichi form (which I love) so it is really slow and I am back to feeling awkward and uncoordinated. But since this is my natural state, it is also somewhat comforting. Feels good to be learning something new again. Hoping this will light a fire under my training and move me towards the next level in my kung fu training.

Yup. I'm amazing. And if you want to consider it super. Go for it, 'cause the facade is up again.

;-)

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