confessions

A couple of weeks ago we were asked in sihing class if we knew what was the one thing we needed to work on; what we were weak in. When some of us didnt put up our hands immediantly, it was mentioned perhaps we needed to think about it and figure it out. I was one, but part of the reason my hand didnt jump up was I have a list of things I need work on, and couldnt say which was the number one:) I know I have ALOT to learn and do before I am ready to test;( will I ever really BE ready?) One thing that HAS impressed itself on me is that I am very...close mouthed, I guess, about things that bother me or that I need help with. Partly, because I know we're expected to figure things out ourselves, so I dont want to cheat. Also, others are busy with things they are trying to do, and unless I know they have the time I dont want to interrupt their practice. Dont want to insult my instructors or make them look bad by asking for help elsewhere. Hmm, what else? I'm terrified to spar sometimes--getting better, but not great. I'm afraid to break down in front of anyone especially when sparring. (Only my partner or parents have seen me break down for any reason, and even my parents not much!) Sihing class freaks me out still...
Bottom line, I am a basket case,lol, but I rarely EVER will let you know. I am trying to change; I do still show up for sihing class, I try to spar when I can. I will try ask more often for help. A work in progress I am....as we all are:)