A Time To Heal

I know, I just journalled less than 24 hours ago, but I just got home from church and am sitting here waiting for my pizza dough to rise. Besides, I had wanted to share this earlier, but didn't, and I think it is kind of a special story. To me anyways.

I clean a house for a couple in Edmonton. The wife, we'll call Jane, used to be very active, and loved being in the outdoors. She especially loved running. Now, due to MS, those things are no longer a part of her life. She uses a walker at times, or walking sticks, and when not using those things, she often bumps into the walls, or trips over things on the floor. She gets very frustrated at times. This and the fact that her son died about 3 years ago, has caused her to be a bit. . . . hard. Her son was in his very early 20's, and he died of cancer.

The husband, we'll call Fred, used to be my manager at work. A very wonderful man, and in a lot of ways still grieving the loss of his son as well.

I have been told that in past years, Jane used to go all out at Christmas. At least 16 trees in the house, of all different sizes, plus garland, snow men, lights, and decorations of all kinds all over the house. Since the death of her son, Jane refused to put up a single decoration. Not so much as one tree. This added to the heartache of her husband.

This year, as the two of them told me stories of all the wonderful decorations that Jane used to put up I threw out the question, "why not this year?" "What the hell do I want to decorate for Christmas for?" "no, I am not doing anything for decorations!" I told her that I wanted to give her a present, and I couldn't do that if I didn't have a tree to put her present under. "Then don't bring me a present", she says. A similar conversation went on the next week I visited and cleaned her house. Same attitude. "I don't want a bloody tree in my house. I have no reason to put up a tree. No, no, I don't want any decorations up."

The following week, somehow we got into the same conversation. Jane also told me that at Christmas family gatherings, everyone who came to visit had to bring a home made ornament to hang on the tree. It was a family tradition. I told Jane that it would be real nice to see a bit of her old self and how she used to do up the house at Christmas. I told her I would love to see that. Again she went into her rant, "why the hell do I want to put up bloody Christmas decorations?" Beside us on the wall was a large photo of two of her very young grandchildren. I pointed to it and said, "what about doing it for them?" Not much of a response this time.

I went about my work cleaning the back bedrooms of the house. I could hear some kind of low key confrontations coming from the family room. Something about not having enough room, or no where to put the furniture and it was too much work, or too heavy. Then I hear, "hay Brenda, can you come help me for a second?" Fred needed my help moving a chair out of the family room to make room for a tree. Jane wanted it yet was being tough and fighting it all the way. She couldn't let anyone know she was giving in. "You will never get that chair into the other room. It's too heavy." Then we got stuck trying to get around a corner wall. "I told you it wouldn't work. That chair is just too big to move". The whole time, Fred is looking at me with this huge grin on his face. He was going to get his tree, and he knew that a part of Jane wanted it too, even though she wouldn't admit it. We turned the chair on it's side and voila, managed to get it into the other room. This left a corner of the family room for the tree. I asked if they needed me to vacuum out the corner before they brought out the tree. Fred said no, that they wouldn't be bringing out the tree right away.

About a half hour later I hear something coming from the family room that sounds like, "well, you just going to leave that big hole in the room with nothing in it?" Then Fred's response, "If you want I will be happy to go right now and get the tree. You don't have to ask me twice". I come into the room a short while later and there is Fred, hauling up the tree. He looks at me with his back to Jane and gives a huge smile. He set up a special gadget on the wall so that Jane could control the lights on or off without any trouble.

I still had a bit of cleaning to do, but Jane and Fred had to leave to run some errands. They turned the lights off on the tree, and before they left, Jane gave me a warning. "Next week when you come, you had better bring a home made ornament for our tree. It's your bloody fault that thing is up." I told her that I did not mind at all taking the blame for such at thing

At work the following day, Fred thanked me immensely for helping get a tree up in his home. I told him that maybe it was just time, and maybe enough healing had gone on to let it happen. He was so thrilled. Not just in having a tree, but in seeing this small bit of healing in his grieving wife. He told me that when they came home that night, he had left the lights off on the tree, and went downstairs to putter a bit. When he came back upstairs about a half hour later, Jane was sitting quietly in front of the lit up tree.

The following week, as I returned with my home made ornament, I found not only the tree fully decorated, but a few other Christmas items displayed around the house as well. This was a great experience for me to be a part of. This is truly one of my favorite acts of kindness thus far, and will always be a memorable one.