Birthdays

Hello every one today is my birthday Feb 7. Birthdays have always been a weird thing for me, i know it is probably like this for most people. In my eyes birthdays have always been for the young and when you get older you just stop celebrating it all together. After a certain age like 12 for me they just stop, most of the times it was because i had no friends to invite or we were no longer interested in the same things any more, so i would just skip it. Also the only birthdays i have ever had were kinda of kiddy, as most birthday party's are at a younger age, but as i got older most of the people i knew were throwing these big crazy get drunk party's. I have never liked any alcohol, so i never had the same kinda of party nor attended, and i never tried to throw any type of party, because of how bad my social phobia was.  I must say having that social phobia at a young age sure warped my growing up. I may have stayed out of some bad crowds, but for just living my life i basically failed. I know i have a lot more to go, but this is just some of the tings i think about sometimes. I know today is completely different then when i was in my teens. Now i don't have as bad of a social phobia, but now and then when something as simple as going to lunch with friends i start to panic, but today i will be meeting some friends for a lunch, and now i feel a little nauseous, but i will never improve until i try harder in life. I still do not like any alcohol and believe me i have tried to like it, but never any success. I have only been drunk twice and both of the times were forced because everybody told me it gets better the more you drink. I found out it still sucks after the 8th beverage, it never got better. Anyways now i do have more friends that have common interest like i do and that makes me happy.


Sihing Langner