Hello everyone the big day of the banquet has got my stomach twisting
and turning in so many different directions. I know it is not even my
black belt day and i am sure the candidates are feeling more pressure
than i am, but my social phobia is starting to kick into high gear. I
know most likely my demo vision will kick in when i finally do the
performances and forms, but the worst part is the waiting for the actual
day to come. To tell you the truth i will probably have to watch the
recording, because eventually my demo vision will kick in and I won't
even really remember want happened. One second i want to puke, the next,
it is time to clean up and go home. I am even finding it harder to
socialize just with some of my teammates, i will have something to add
to the conversation and i won't say a word, because i am frozen in
place. I do know the candidates are actually going to be the people who
have to say there speeches, which takes a lot of bravery and courage i
think. I know i would need some of that to do what they are doing, and
someday i really do want to do what there are doing and maybe the pain i
feel now might be ten times worse or i will try to conquer my fears. I
prefer the second option, but it will be super hard, but anything easy
isn't worth doing. If everything was easy no one would every need to
evolve as a human being or as a person. I will get my stomach issues
under control, but this is just another stepping stone i will be taking
to get passed my social phobia fear.
Sihing Langner
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