Expatriate

It's been a long time since my last entry. Lately, my lack of journaling seems to be stemming largely from my inability to express what I'm thinking. I've been mulling things over lately, collecting thoughts, many of which led to half written, unintelligible discarded drafts. Thoughts and ideas come by and I store them away. They start as hazy, vague outlines, and take time to become fully realized. Next thing I know, I've spent all my time thinking instead of writing. Time to start putting things on paper.

Topic of the day is how I've felt so confused lately about what community means to me. I feel divided among three different homes. The first is Stony Plain. The place of my childhood, teenage years and, at the youngish age of twenty six, where I've lived most of my life. The second is Edmonton where I've lived for the past six years or so. Where I've gone to college, matured into adulthood and met most of my current friends. Lastly there's my place of work in Sherwood Park. Honestly it's far too early for me to have any feelings for Sherwood Park. I'm only a year and a half into my first genuine career and my job has me working all over the province more than it does in Sherwood Park. Therefore I'm mostly indifferent to Sherwood Park. Nevertheless I do spend the majority of my week there and that takes a toll.

My condo in downtown Edmonton is a base camp for frequent journeys to the East and West. I've been living away from Stony Plain long enough that I've become disconnected from it. My sense of community in Stony Plain now comes from Silent River and my parents house. My parents place is an acreage about eight kilometers West of Stony so growing up I always had a slight rural disconnect from the town. As Silent River becomes more and more involved in the parkland community, the harder it is for me to feel like I'm part of the parkland community. I can't hop out the door and be at class in a few minutes. I can't shovel a seniors driveway after breakfast, before heading to work. I don't have the luxury of acting on impulse anymore. Most of everything I do in Stony is planned and so damn deliberate.

As this very moment, reading what I just wrote, I realize I should have said I have four homes. Don't think I've forgotten you dear readers. The community of the Kwoon is the most powerful of them all. I didn't mention it earlier because, really, you could say that the Silent River community IS my Stony Plain community.

There's no question that Edmonton is where I belong right now. I like it here. I love living within walking distance of an amazing Thai restaurant. I love the proximity of so many cultural, artistic and social venues. I cherish my freedom and the oh so accessible ability to go wherever I want, to do anything I want, whenever I want. My social life and activities with friends is very important to me. Edmonton is where I want to live right now. Still in the background of my consciousness there is the distant call of a rural parkland life. I can see myself eventually ending up there. But that would be for when I decide to settle down and adopt a more domestic life. The family, wife, kids and a dog idea.

This post has gotten out of control and I'm going to have to continue it later. Until next time.

Sifu J. Wetter