Sparring

We sparred in the black belt class last night.  I was excited by the change in not only my attitude, but also the way I approach my opponent and the way I spar.  Months ago, I didn't like sparring at all because it terrified me.  I had lost all my confidence and I usually got the snot beat out of me.  When I sparred, my thoughts were controlled with thinking about staying alive and not getting hurt.  I always felt panicked and it was all about finishing the match in one piece.  If I did get hurt, I would automatically get angry.  Sparring was never a good experience for me.

Last night. . . . . .was very different.  Although I got a bit panicky the odd time, I recognized it and controlled it.  My thinking in all my matches was about learning.  I constantly tried to remember to keep guards up, look for an opening, create openings, and be confident.  When I got hit, I didn't get angry or afraid, but instead quickly analyzed why I got hit and what could I do next time to lessen the chance of getting hit.  I didn't shy away from my opponent, but I welcomed them as a pathway to improving my sparring skills.  This gives me a whole new experience with my sparring.

I am grateful for the people who help me make this happen.  Sifu Lindstrom has been coaching me along and it has helped me a lot!  Last night Sifu Weibe was a great help as we learned together.  I still tend to shy away from people who go really hard and especially those with long legs.  Most people though do not go all out as they know I am trying to improve and rid my fears of sparring.   Maybe they haven't changed, and it is just the way I look at sparring that has changed and made it easier for me.  I'm not sure, but probably a combination of the two.  I do enjoy  sparring with Sihing Chessal.  He has control and I don't fear him.  Removing the fear factor, gives me lots of opportunities to try and learn ways to get in on him, even with those long legs of his.  Wow!  I never thought I would see this day come, but it has.  And I am grateful.