Why is change so difficult? There are so many things that I
want to change about myself but I struggle to make even the most minor ones. Is
it because in order to change, you first need to admit that what you’re currently
doing isn’t working? That’s really what you’re doing when you decide to make a
change – admitting that you were wrong. It’s as if I don’t trust myself to
decide what’s best for me, so when I want to do things differently, I argue
with myself and I dig my heels in. I’m not sure if that made sense at all, but
that’s how I feel. I continually let myself down and take the path of least
resistance.
For example – I didn’t go to class on Monday or last night,
simply because I didn’t want to. There was nothing keeping me from going. Some team
members have spoken about their positive connection to the kwoon. I don’t have
that. For me, it’s a place I go to fail. It’s easier for me to stay away than
it is to go and overcome my feelings of failure. I know that I can change how I
feel if I change my attitude. But knowing I can do something is different than
actually doing it.
Cory Smid
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