Last weekend I was going to blog like I always do, but then
received a jolt if you will about where I am mentally and physically to date. I
decided not blog because well, I was angry. Very angry would be more truthful.
My anger was solely generated at myself. I had reflected on what I had
accomplished to date and what I would need to do get some numbers up and so on
but I was only looking at a small part of my “numbers”. I took a step back and
looked at my life as a whole. My wife Judi and I had a long chat about where I
was and where I should be….we were worlds apart. I was looking back at my
numbers and saw them dip in April, now why was that, oh yeah twin boys were now
home and sleep and time was immediately erased. Oh, numbers were up at the end
of July and early August…oh yeah I was on holidays and had an awesome time
getting in the work I needed to push to the next level. So on and so on.
Problem is I’ve been too busy looking at my excel spreadsheet to miss my life
around me passing me by. During my holidays I had gotten into a great routine
but it didn’t involve my family as much. I mean I was still doing family things
and duties around the house but something always had to fall off to meet my
selfish requirements. I use the word selfish, maybe that’s a little harsh but its
how it feels. It took me being on my holidays for my one son to actually
recognize me and bond with me for the first time….he’s now five months old. That’s
what hit me last weekend. Now again I can hear people saying reprioritize and time
manage a little better but here’s the deal, I do that. Everyone has excuses why
they can’t do this or that, and I respect everyone’s life and routine but mine
is different. I was doing a lot of what we are undertaking right now last year
leading up to this. When I looked at my spreadsheet over the past year I saw a
battle. I have to fight for spare minutes to get pushups and situps in while I try
to get my boys to nap for fifteen minutes. I fight fatigue to get up and run on
less than five hours of sleep – one to two hour increments at a time to jog
before running to work and so on. I have to fight to get time and most often it
has taken me away from my family. I’m not home on Monday nights, Thursdays for
practises, Fridays for class and then try to get out on Saturdays for open
training/sparring/ practises. My wife spends the entire day at home with the
boys, when I am not at home for the evening that’s a lot of strain on her. Many
of us don’t have to fight for time, some do, but my other challenge has been a
lack of sleep. After all these months my body has not been able to get the rest
to maintain itself and last weekend just seemed to shut down. I hit the wall
and it has taken me a week of minimal physical work to feel some energy again.
I asked myself one important question last weekend, what am I doing this for?
Is this for my ego to have that second stripe on my belt? To prove that I can
do this all? I already know I can. Was it to prove I can do it with a new
family during the year? When my wife and I were in our prenatal classes we
spoke with families with multiples and they all agreed on two things. One, your
life will dramatically be altered and revolve around the twins. Two, don’t even
think about taking on any new courses, challenges, teams, activities for the
first year. Yeah, didn’t catch that one. So now what. Well, first my family
gets more of me; it’s my priority first and foremost. Second, I will continue
to do all my UBBT goals and improve myself as a whole. I really have made great
strides with the UBBT and am proud to be where I am. One thing that was lacking
for myself, and I can’t stress this enough, to all of us on the team and people
thinking about joining this team in the future, make this YOUR UBBT. This is
your challenge, your journey. The numbers are the same for all of us but that’s
not the point, this is your life to change, challenge and improve upon. If you
look at it as just numbers or a set of hoops to jump through, look again. This
is your masterpiece to build for you. There is only one you so live it. Find
your passion in whatever it is you do and realize you CAN accomplish anything.
Sifu Bryant
Excellent post :)
ReplyDeleteWow Sifu, I am amazed at how well you are still functioning with all the demands you must face. I hope you continue to feel better and with such a positive outlook I'm sure you'll continue in your path.
ReplyDeleteYou are right that we all have different schedules to keep, and individual challenges with the UBBT. I am constantly on the run and my spare time is valuable. I know one thing for sure and that is this; the UBBT is worth the sacrifice as it is short lived,(if you do just one year), but it gives you a lifetime of benefits as it shapes who we are. I have been meaning to post about this subject for some time now, but. . . finding time to do it has held me back. I tend to get long winded when I journal and I have a lot to say on this subject. The UBBT will definitely make you a better father to your boys, and that is only a start. It IS worth it!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, I've felt this way for some time.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your boys, you'll never regret a moment you spent with them making memories. Take it from someone who has two boys, who in a week will be turning 15 and 10 years old. Where did the time go?
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