guilt

On to the new year already...kind of. I've been off work more this last 2 weeks than on, and I'm enjoying it immensely! Sometimes I find time off like this dangerous--leaves more time to think, to really see if I'm where I want to be and going where I want to go. And one thing I've noticed brewing in me is anger--anger at the guilt I either put on myself or am made to feel. Its interesting to notice it--I'm starting to learn to not allow it to control me. (Got alot to learn there!) Thin gs like; taking time off of work (even though i'm sick), spending time on me, away from family to better balance myself or to learn something I'm interested in; spending money on myself to help my healing process; and the mother of all guilt inducers--time away from KUNGFU. Thats gotta be the worst one--and why? I dont deliberately skip classes; I try to train when I can outside of class. I've gone to dragon dance when I really shouldnt have, but I have this overhanging feeling of guilt if I miss anything at all. I'm not sure how to keep balanced on that--not letting down the team but also being realistic that life will arrange things as it likes. I really want to get a handle on this, especially for when my black belt grading happens--I know the hours of practice and expectations will be high, and if I need to say no to some extra things, then I dont want to have the burden of guilt also. Another step in my evolution I guess