How?

I'm not quite sure what to do to change things. Last year I did I Ho Chaun and changed alot about myself, but it felt really lonely. My friends stopped calling because "all you ever do is kung fu" and really I'm pretty sure I bored them to death because it's all I had to talk about. Josh and I barely saw each other too. This year I'm trying to balance things better, but now I just feel like a terrible team mate. I'm not sure where to find that balance and what to do about it.

I'm definitely one that has good intentions but doesn't follow through in alot of ways. I keep trying to log, but I don't. I don't do all the reps I'm supposed too. I don't do things publicly. I am trying to be better disciplined but I'm not sure how to do it while keeping everything important to me in balance. Public demos are something that's going to take me a long time to be able to do, even the thought of it makes me want to hurl. I know that it's something that's going to be alot of work.

I get up between 5am and 6am during the week, depending on what I have to do at work that day. I started trying to get up everyday at 5 and the days I don't have to be at work so early, my intention was to go to the gym. That happened once, I have an issue with my snooze button. The one day I did go, I felt really good about myself. I walked a mile, did modified ab and shoulder exercises, all before 6am and I felt that wonderful soreness throughout my body when you know you've had a good workout. But...IT's 5AM!

One thing I have to say I'm happy I'm doing is continuing San Shao. I don't like sparring because I feel really uncoordinated and awkward and I don't know what to do, I wanted to quit that class within the first 20 minutes, but I'm still there and calming down more as I'm learning things. When I am not frustrated with myself and learning, I enjoy it alot more. I was also super nervous to be in the back of the advanced class because I know I don't belong there, but I did, and the time works so much better with my schedule.

So, I guess my to do list is;

Go to the gym on the days I am not at work for 6:30am.
Continue going to San Shao.
Find a way to remember to log and do it!!!
Attend all my classes.

Public demos are going to still have to be a work in progress. I'm still not ready for that yet...I know the point of doing I Ho Chaun is to do things publicly, but I'm just not there yet, unless you want a demo consisting of a girl fainting in front of a whole bunch of people. In that case, I'm your girl! You could copy and paste Sifu Rybak's blog and insert it as mine, because I can relate completely.