I Ho Chuan Team Blog

SUNDAY, 9 FEBRUARY 2014

Looking back to look ahead

I've been doing a lot of reflecting as of late, registering and evaluating what and where my mistakes have been over the last few years and what I have done to facilitate the failures. At this weeks I Ho Chuan meeting, the question was asked "Who's grading this year"? It was the first time publicly (or, in front of my folk) knowing the demands and the responsibly that it will bring, where I raised my hand announcing my intentions . Especially over the last year, I have spoken with several Black Belts, asked about their succeses and failures and found there is a common path in all their stories and it parallels to where I have developed or crashed. Why am I not a Black Belt, simple, "I'm not acting like one"! This was the first "work week" for me where I stopped following the negative self talk, listening to the procrastination committee; I had to stop following my thoughts and instead do what I'm supposed to. The one thing that sticks out for me is "reaching out and asking"; I asked a White Belt classmate to practice Da Mu Sing with me, so I could learn and teach, I asked an Orange Belt to teach me a weapon form that he has started, I jumped in with a Blue Belt classmate when she was practicing stick and came away with correcting a huge chunk of "my" form, I jumped at the chance to fill in for an instructor in the Lil' Leopards class and faked it for 30 minutes, pretendimg that I actually knew how to be around these little ones; then it was made more possible when one of the little guys grabbed my thumb and did laps with me,........at least "he" knew what to do, one more time I just followed. I guess this is just a long winded version of "whatever you did before, don't do it again"! I've found out as of late, "no matter how, who, when, where or why" I ask, there is always someone to help or point me in the right direction. But in conclusion, "If you have to sign a waiver, it's probably worth it", Robert.

We were also asked to list our additional I Ho Chuan goals:
1) Hike the Inca Trail in Peru,
2) Prepare and run in "The Great Canadian Death Race",
3) Volunteer at the Edmonton Institution in Addiction Recovery,
4) Continue with "Date Night" once a week,
5) 30 hours of cooking classes,
6) 5 continuous minutes on "Jacobs Ladder",
7) Hit the gym 3 times per week,
8) NO-processed red meat,
9) NO-candy
10) NO-french fries or potato chips,
11) NO-use of plastic bags,
12) NO-television.

TOTALS-WEEK 1
Push-ups - 1505
Sit-ups - 1030
Forms - 17
Jacobs Ladder -1 minute
Gym - 3
Horse Stance (done properly) 1 minute

MONDAY, 3 FEBRUARY 2014

one more thing to the list

I don't know if you've ever made a grocery list, went shopping, came home and forgot that one important item that was staring you in the face the whole time. So I guess there's one more thing to add to my I Ho Chuan goals; "NO TELEVISION". I disconnected my cable about 12 or 13 years ago as I found it to be one of the most useless mediums I had in my life; it was time consuming, distracting, left me craving for more and feeling "full of less". For most people, I would imagine that you could pick a few favorite shows, keep an interest, sit down, rest your body and find it an ok activity. For me It's not like that; it was pointed out this weekend that I get distracted easily, but I love "doing nothing and feeling great" and television does that for me, "for a time". I'm the guy with the remote that watches all 52 channels 4 seconds at a time, I'm the guy searching for something to give me a better rush than the previous program, I'm the guy that will tune you out while this is all happening, making a feeble attempt to pay attention. It culminated this weekend when I ran out of justification and looked at the moment. I had picked Sunday morning as my rest and down time to recharge and catch up on my reading/s, sat down at 10:00 looked at the clock and is was 17:00. I became so focused on the nothingness I was watching, that the world around me wasn't there. People were being ignored, nothing was being accomplished, that itchy scratchy feeling on the inside was there and I couldn't ignore it. I reached over, punched "off" on the remote, looked over at Ms. Mental Health (my girlfriend) and looking her straight in the eye, I said, "this is done, this is ruining everything and yet, there's nothing more I want to do than to turn this thing back on". The withdrawl over the next day was like any drug you withdrawl from, the symptoms were there, but it was enough. So to adding to my list is to really getting rid of something, which I think can be a good thing. Robert.
I Ho Chuan start;
Day 1
Pushups 180
Sit ups 180
Forms 2

TUESDAY, 21 JANUARY 2014

Gentlemen start your engines

Well here goes, the start of the New Year and things are starting to fall into place. I usually start off most things with a great intentions; "This time it's going to be different", "I won't do what I did last time", "Oh, there's still a lot of time left" and on and on, which is always followed by, "How did I get so far behind" or the most successful death blow of "what's the use"? I've started putting some of my new "Year of the Horse" requirements into action before this upcoming year starts so that it will be habitual more than "Oh, I'm supposed to be doing this" and if I have a stumble, better it happens now.
I've started with eliminating the fast food/chips/processed meat/pop...your basic "Lets hit the drive through" on the way home stuff. I'm starting to realize it's more habit than actually being hungry. I've caught myself opening the fridge and the pantry looking for stuff I know isn't there anymore and yet, when I open the door one more time, I'm actually trying to see if there's something that magically showed up since the last time I opened it.
Next, is not using "plastic grocery bags"; only one clerk asked me "how will I take out my garbage" and all I said was, "I'll do what your grandparents did"!
I've had to free up some time somewhere, so I've hired a cleaning person to come in once a week; it took a little while to get used to someone doing that for me, but I'm really starting to appreciate the benefits and it's also helped me be more organized around the house as well.
The big one that will take some time is "my job". I have to watch for the work swings of huge hours and weeks out of town then trying to play catch up. You see, the more I work, the more I make, and the work addict that lives inside me, loves it to death; it's a respectable addiction, with all sorts of justification and rationalization attached, but I've got to find a healthy balance and since I've never had that, I'm not really sure what that's supposed to be.
This may not be much of a blog, but when I look at what I need to do for me, I can understand where the ripple effect of this is going to take me. Robert.

FRIDAY, 3 JANUARY 2014

Almost

I have started and done so many things throughout my life that it even amazes me how much I could cram into the years I've been given. Some things have ended as a result of healthy change, still with some dreams yet to be done, but yet, some things have ended as a result of one of what I believe is my largest character defect, "I get bored" before I finish something or my mind simply convinces me to do something else and off I go; sometimes I wonder if "commitaphobia" could be an actual diagnosis. I had watched a movie a few years ago where a jungle tribe was captured by another tribe and the leader of the victorious group looked the head warrior straight in the eye and renamed him "Almost"! He "almost" won, he "almost" succeeded, he "almost" protected his people, that one word is resonating hard with me as I start this year. I more than ever do not want to be an "Almost"!! I have to take a serious look at starting this year, having to see what it is that will keep me connected with a doable program and lead me through the year of the horse, will help me keep in balance my employment obligations, family and personal relationships and not outbalance one with the other. Robert.

SUNDAY, 15 DECEMBER 2013

When I get comfortable.....

There has been a lot of newness in my life as of late and no matter how resistant I am to change, especially for not seeing it at the moment, it always seems to change my life for the better. In my volunteer work; members of my group have asked me to step up my involvement as they think I have a lot of experience to offer and should take up more of a vocal and active role, and deep down inside I know they're right, except "I'm comfortable" where I'm at.........This upcoming Chinese New Years Lion Dance is another place I feel "comfortable"; I'd climb into the tail of the Lion, knowing what I need to know, doing what I need to do, so I'm good to go, right?.......then things changed, "I was stuck in the head position"!!!!,yikes, well, now I have to relearn a totally new dance, a new pattern, new moves and I soooo wasn't expecting this! With my employment a few of my superiors have been hinting around at me moving into more of a leadership role in certain aspects of my position with the company, but I'm resistant, because "I'm comfortable" where I am, I know the drill, I know what I need to do and I go and get it done. But, you know what, "comfortable" is BORING, when I really take a look at it, it really chokes me off from who I really want to be and where I want to go with everything I'm involved in. But if I really think about it, lying to myself and saying it's all "ok" is one thing, living the lie is another. Sometimes I wonder if God is up in heaven, looking down and says, "Hey Moses, come here for a second, look, look down there, it's Robert, watch this",......and you get the picture. When I become "comfortable" life/work/people/my classmates/instructors get in my way and make me "uncomfortable" so I can grow, especially when I'm ready, but really don't think so. Robert.

FRIDAY, 6 DECEMBER 2013

Time flies when you make bad choices

Where did the week go; I was going to blog Monday, but work kept me out past my "enough" time (time where I've decided that after 5:30 it's time to call it a day at work). Tuesday I was going to blog, but it was another crash and burn day as far as machines breaking down in the cold went. Wednesday was full as I went out with one of my classmates to have a really good "politically incorrect" long awaited where we're at cut to the core discussion after class, Thursday was another work late day finishing off at 10 at the gym and through all that, I knew I couldn't run away from an inspiring comment I heard in one of the classes this week. Sifu Brinker had mentioned "that no one has ever made him mad" he has only "chosen" to get mad after someone does something. That really stuck with me as I thought of all the times I've had mental meltdowns, acted out, hurt someone, hurt someone also by "doing nothing", using sarcasm (the ability to tear flesh with words???) and applied it to this last year, but most of all "how can I make it different for this upcoming year"? I've already started doing things different, as I've learned many times "when I do different things, different results happen", imagine that. When I take a look at my anger/reaction pattern/fears certain things have to happen. Now, I can go up three hat sizes in less than a second when someone does something that I perceive as wrong, but 4 basic things have to happen, 1)Provocation; something has to happen, 2) Arousal; I realize something has happened, 3) Assessment; I analyze what's happened, and the last one that really causes the "stuff" to let loose is 4) Action; where I do something about whatever. The #4 is where I usually end up in all sorts of scenarios from imploding and staying pi**ed off for a month or reacting in a physical manner. So it comes down to pretty much everything good and bad, getting things done or not done comes down to the common denominator of "my choices". I've been looking a lot at the painting of Travis' and the lion on the Kwoon wall the last while (wondering where he'd be at in his training) and keep asking myself, with a lot of self reflection,; the thoughts of "Tell me your best reason for not being here, tell me about your bad day, tell me why you can't" and if it is better than the reason in the painting, I might think about it. Pressing on and pushing forward, searching for the "repeatability", Robert.

FRIDAY, 22 NOVEMBER 2013

Doesn't anyone else want to be a black belt?

I've been watching and thinking about this for a while; I'm surrounded my so much skill, wisdom and goodness that it scares me to think about how much I don't know. In tonights Sihing class we were reminded of just how much further we need to go before we can take that next step called "Grading". It's scary how my kicks are in so much need of repair, my cardio is coming but it isn't where it needs to be. But this is just a small part of what I've noticed as of late as I'm wondering "if I have such a long way to go" what about the others? In my fitness class the numbers are getting smaller to where I was the only student last class. It scares me to think where I would be without the conditioning I've been getting there over the years and I still have such a long way to go. In my Tai Chi class the number of students is small and when I think of it, I can't fathom the number of times I have corrected a form, aligned and lowered my stances, helped someone else work on theirs, more times than I care to admit felt something wrong and used a "Tai Chi repair" to fix it or at the end of class realized what a workout it actually it is. I also am overwhelmed by how much I need to relearn by attending the beginner, advanced and intermediate classes as I have forgotten so much while learning so much else. In my San Shou class there I was again; "the only student" one more time. Now don't get me wrong, having 5 black belts (from first to third degree) there just for me really boosts my ego but I can also feel the emptiness of what my classmates are missing. What culminated all of my observations and thoughts was when Sifu Brinker looked out into the near empty Kwoon this week and not only did I see the look in his face I think I absolutely felt what he was looking at. I know life and responsibility can get in the way, but after tanking hard this summer, not reaching out and seeing how far it caused me to fall behind and the scary feeling of what I was missing, something deep inside ignited and now there's a "something" telling me from the bottom of my gut to just "press on". All these things I've been worrying or perhaps am fearful of , not knowing the results of the upcoming year seem to crumble as I recite a few lines from a Garth Brooks song...........
"For just one fleeting moment,
the answer seemed so clear,
Heaven's not beyond the clouds,
it's just beyond the fear"......

Hopefully I can keep carrying myself in such a manner that I can impress upon someone else how much extra there is available here. I know a Black Belt is not the end of the journey, perhaps it's similar to my mechanics license, "it's a certificate to additional life long learning". Any one else want to come along for the ride? Robert.