Another Team Meeting and Only a Glimps of My Journey

I find it difficult to translate my last weeks journey into a few words, because of all the intricacies that go along with the challenges and discoveries, without sounding long winded or that its all about me. I tend to talk about the here and now rather than what I feel has lead to and what I'm attempting to do about it. With that I feel like I've left the meeting and mentioned my challenges but not what I'm doing to alleviate or what I've learned from them. It can be and has been a long story that I'd rather not go on and on about, rather just consider it a mental battle, becasue in the end, that is where I feel the impact.

What I feel is most important for me is to be truthful to first myself, which leads to the same translation to my team. The down fall/ or positive to this truth, depending on how you are seen or where your team is in their life, can seem all negative. I in particular have a hard time talking about all my successes and I also feel like I can always do better or should be doing more. Let me step back....I have however learned a lot in the past few years about progressing wisely and have learned a fair bit about myself. Then the "but" comes in again, but there is so much to learn on how to stay healthy and to stay mindful of absolutely everything, there doesn't seem to be the option of trusting our government regulators on what they allow to be marketed or what they allow to be sold in stores. Apathy is just not an option when it comes to your health, which leads to a huge consumption of time and research.

This past five years or so my hips and knees have been a struggle. I have tried eating different things, tried supplements, more stretching, less aggressive workouts...well a little bit!, changed out beds, I've stayed more mindful of my posture, I have had MRI's and x-rays, chiroprator, traction and acupuncture, I've seen my family doctor and a specialist at the Glen Sather, they say there is nothing wrong with my hips and knees, "just take tylenol", nice! There is so much that a person can do, you can flop your entire life style over and over and blend this with that and that with this. I'm a little frustrated and have so much yet to accomplish!

I feel that a lot of my "mental issues", when I refer to mental issues, I mean anything that is having an impact on my primary being, which could be the pain from my hips impacting my sleep, which impacts how I feel emotionally that next day.

So this past five years or so, has been a mental battle with me because of my hip and knee problems - I first thought this originated from my neck problems (another issue). But I'm not so sure...Anyway to cut this short, my knee and hip issues have a huge impact on me, both physically and mentally. Physically, because they dictate how I perform, how I walk, they aggravate and create an ongoing continue irritation (some days are better than others), however the physical disability is continual. I find rest to be most beneficial at this point (controlling swelling, and the banging that goes on in these joint regions). This I feel is where a huge part of my mental battle starts....poor sleeping patterns due to the joint pain, waking up unrested on a continual basis, constant irritability, which most times lead me into being or acting like someone I don't want to be. At this stage of my mental state, most of everything can be a challenge - going for and enjoying a walk can be and is a challenge, I have an ongoing continued appetite (never feeling satisfied), I find comfort in being alone, my energy level is at zero....It is a very depressing and lonely place to be, I don't feel content and I'm seeking change with hopes that the grass will be greener on the other side. Look out if I start to feel like I did six years ago!

I know I have other stresses which sit on the back burner and eat away at me continually but I feel that when I'm in the right frame of mind and rested, that my stresses are so manageable....like night and day! It's the physical that is impacting my mental. Mastering my six harmonies seem so far off at this point, due to the disconnect in my body.

This has been a huge rambling on, but with this I hope to see a bit clearer and refocus. Diet wise/ supplements, I don't know where to start and what to change from where we presently are! The bed we purchased two months ago, I think has to take a walk! True holiday needs to find its way in the door soon!

I'm heading to work, nearly an hour ago...which means I'm behind schedule. Just had to get this off my mind, the little I feel I have left at this point. The positive for me is that I still have that inner fight left in me to get me through these ugly times...I'm most positive that its my kung fu that pulls me through.

Darcy Regier