Post Forms Seminar

I'm not going to lie, I woke up the day of the Forms Seminar and considered eating a raw chicken so I could call in with samonella. It took all my will power to get ready and into the car to go. Yep, I was that afraid of doing a form in front of everyone. The thing that made me go was that I told Ms. Tomie I would and it would've been super crappy of me to not show up knowing she's just as afraid of the same thing I am. Plus, I also told Sifu Lindstrom I would do it and I could almost picture an evil glint in his eye as he made me do 6 months worth of consecutive warm ups for not upholding my end of the deal. So, I went. It took me awhile to relax as the nerves ravaged my stomach. I did end up calming down a bit and learned alot from Sifu Freitag. It amazes my how Sifus can see how your body is moving and immediately correct it. I didn't know I had been doing a bowstance wrong this whole time and I can definitely feel the difference. I also learned how to do a dragons whip alot better. I also got some really good advice on how to try to control my brain from messing with me so I can just let my body do its thing. I'm definitely going to be working on that. I really enjoyed learning more about Da Mu Hsing and what I can do better. But then the time came, I had to do my form in front of the judges. My stomach flipped as I heard my name called and I turned really hot and my legs became rubber. All I could do is look at the door and wonder if I could escape without anyone noticing. I did it, and it took quite awhile for my heart to finally slow down. I understand why doing these things are important. If you were attacked you'd have the same sort of adrenelin rush and you need to teach your body to react in spite of it. What's the point of all this training if your just going to stay frozen if given that real life situation. Still...knowing that...doesn't make it easier. The only thing I can advise so far, if you feel the same way as I do about these things is; First, Join something like the I Ho Chaun or volunteer with things around the kwoon. It helps to turn Sifu faces into friendly ones and not intimidating ones, and these things are the way to do that. Second, try to partner up with someone who also feel the same way and be accountable for helping and encouraging each other. Knowing I'm going to disappoint someone if I don't do something makes it harder to just not show up. If I always tell Sifu Lindstrom and Ms. Tomie that I'll be somewhere, if I'm not there, I have some 'splaining to do. Anyway, I'll keep trying and hopefully figure out some more things that work for me, and maybe you too, when and if you're in a similar situation.