Why don't I just cry about it

Well lets see, I haven't been able to meet my requirements and on a scale I have already failed my chance at grading this year. My Sihing assignments are not complete and I haven't handed one in since... who the hell knows. I haven't been able to attend any practices and there is 27 of us on this team and there is still low turnouts. Reading blogs all across the map I see frustration coming through the ranks and from those that have been covering my ass and others on the team far too long. I see and read people having a moment of clarity perhaps and think maybe this is too much. We had a fair and generous warning shot about Canada Day demo and some of us don't even have a full form down yet, while others have. I witnessed the disappointment in many faces when there was talk of cancelling the dragon dance due to low turnout. There was a sting in the air. There was also a moment of me questioning what am I doing here, I am a contributing factor to this and right now I don't feel very good about it. I'm glad and in some cases almost envious of those of you that can attend the kwoon throughout the week and your journey is going well. Not all of us can do that. There is mention of guilt on several fronts. There is also nothing mentioned at all in some cases. I have not been a very good member of this team when it comes to providing a window into my training or my journey. The whole idea as mentioned at the beginning of the year was to design the dragon dance and demos as modular. That way if everyone on the team attends a couple of practices and does their homework and the fact that there is 27 of us, it should be a piece of cake. At any given moment, anyone of us could jump in and fill the position allowing everyone on the team some room to breathe or have the coverage if an absence is needed. Instead we have a handful of people that show regularly and a higher majority that doesn't. So if we require 9 people to do a dragon dance, what is the other 18 people, including myself doing. Nothing. It certainly would appear that way if your following me. I'm sure at this point in my blog I have some blood boiling. In some cases I'm sure there is the opinion of what the hell do you know, your never there. You don't even blog, and where are you at with your training. Why don't I just cry about it.

Well tears and whining don't look good on me. I have been thinking of a way to help bring a positive twist to it all. I see people down and I want to help. I am going to try my very hardest to at least get to some practices besides Friday and help fill the void of missing team members. I owe them and I owe myself. I have been practicing my forms and board breaking techniques and both still need work. One of my personal requirements was to be the best example I can to my Sifus, fellow team mates and a shining example to the rest of the school. As you can plainly see, that's not happening at all as far as I'm concerned. But I am doing the best I can. I need to take the reigns of my life and training to do exactly that. Although I blew my chance to grade I am going to amplify my training to the hard core level it once was. To train as hard as possible with the mindset that I am grading this year and time is moving fast. I accelerate better under the gun anyway. I want to advance three times my skills from where they are now and see how far I can get by the end of the year. Starting tomorrow I am going to post all my numbers and everything I do towards my training daily on my blog. I hope that with this I will shoot out of my comfort zone and expose a completely transparent window to my highs and lows with the intention to inspire others on the team and other students. As a proud member of the I Ho Chuan it is my responsibility to not only be part of the elite, but to lead like someone from the elite. To inspire up and coming students and carry on the tradition and standard of those that cut the path before me. To show those that have taught me that they haven't wasted their time, and to continue the standard through my own evolution. The bottom line is respect. Another tool I want to make a huge contribution to is kwoon talk. I want to show through example the value of this tool and awaken the knowledge of the array of black belts that monitor it and want to share their advice. It has helped me before on many fronts and others need to see this. Its like a black belt on stand by 24 hrs. Then maybe later on down the road, I can just smile about it

Brian Chervenka