This is tougher than I thought.

When I set my sights on a earning a black belt in Kung Fu I never envisioned that it would be this difficult.  Don't get me wrong, I knew that it physically would be very difficult.  I just never thought about the mental side of the black belt much if at all. The mental side of anything (work, personal etc) is the toughest thing to keep focused.  We all struggle with this and I am no exception.  In fact these past four weeks I have been finding myself struggling with this more than I ever have before.  These past four weeks have been very difficult and I am struggling to grasp why?

I have always enjoyed my training and I have for the most part always looked forward to class and training.  So why have these four weeks since I have gotten back been so difficult?  I think it has a lot to do with getting settled back in to a new job, back to my old life and trying to catch up on the the months that I have missed.  Could it be the shorter days and less sunlight that is having an impact as well?  Could it be that I have I am extra tough on myself for letting myself slide while I was in South Carolina?  What about losing sight and perspective on how my Kung Fu serves me and not it?  I think it's all of these things rolled up into one and it has gotten me down.  So instead of going to class I avoided going and making excuses to myself of things I needed to do that were more important.  Once I made that first excuse for myself the next one became easier and easier.  The hardest thing to do was to convince myself that I shouldn't give up.  I made a commitment to my team and Master Brinker that even if I failed at achieving my goals the one thing we I couldn't do was quit.  Quitting is something that I am not accustomed to and that thought kept resonating in my mind.

I decided on Saturday to go back to class.  Square up what needed to be squared and renew my commitment to my team and my training.  I am very glad that I listened to my gut and went back.  It seems to have filled an empty void that has been gnawing at my very core.

Mr. Repay