Rough Week

Had a rough week this week. The exhaustion is getting the better of me. Doctors say that my body is probably trying to fight the foreign growths in my liver, which is the probable cause of me getting sick so often and feeling tired so much, that, and an underactive thyroid (basically what was said but in more doctory terms). I can't wait until all the tests are over with in May so I can finally be treated. Getting pretty tired of feeling tired and weak. Apparently there's a mixture of things going on so a diagnosis is difficult. I get pains where I shouldn't be and no pain where I should be. I'm pretty mixed up. Didn't need a doctor to tell me that though. :)

I've been trying to work on the more mental aspects of the I Ho Chaun. I often am overcome by guilt, fear, frustration, and jealousy. When I can't do everything everyone expects me to do I feel guilty, even when I'm trying my best to balance my priorities. I really dislike having that nagging voice in the back of my head, it seems to always put a damper on whatever it is I've chosen to do. Fear has often lead me to completely avoid any situation that would cause me to feel it. Everyone from last year knows, I am very afraid of demos. I'm not sure why, I wasn't like that as a kid and nothing happened to cause it but it's there and it paralyses me. Now I'm more comfortable talking about it and learning how to deal with it and face it with little baby steps. I'm always frustrated with myself while practicing. My darn brain and body don't connect and combinations are my very worse enemy. Hence, starting San Shao, it's the class that will highlight every single one of my weaknesses, but if I can learn to just not become so frustrated with it, I'm sure I will get alot out of the class. I used to be jealous of people that were good at something I wanted to be good at. I actually don't feel that way anymore. I've realized people are good at something because they worked hard at it. They chose to practice instead of watching TV and I can make that choice too. Very often these people will help you and are happy to share their knowledge if you just ask. At least I've crossed jealousy off my list of negative thoughts.

I hope this blog makes sense, I get a little rambly sometimes.

As promised Sifu Lagner here are my accumulative numbers;

Pushups - 40
Modified Pushups - 1295
Tricept Pushups - 255

Situps - 135
Modified Situps - 430
Plank - 190

Miles - 74

Rounds of sparring - 44

Lao Gar (Part I know) - 26
Ropedart - 36