For this year's Tiger Challenge I was not entering. Every cell in my body said not to enter. I wasn't in a space to enter the tournament. Usually when I enter into a tournament, game, bonspiel, it's "game on" and I play to win. This year I was abstaining from competing in the Tiger Challenge and that was that!! Until Saturday morning.....
The first thought in my head after gaining consciousness after sleep was "I want in the tournament". I am making a last minute entry. After being so adamant about not entering why the switch? This year I was entering because I WANTED to. Not because I should, or because someone said so/asked me to, or because it was a requirement. I was entering solely for me and I was unattached as to what the outcome would be. I think I even had the thought of "what if I placed last" and for the first time in my life, it didn't matter. Now considering that I'm hardware driven, that's a big change-up.
Fast forward to lining up for the Sihing hand form division. I had the thought "I wonder if I can perform my Kempo with a different intensity than before?" Let's see what happens. I enjoyed watching the others perform their forms. Then it was my turn and my Kempo felt different. I was happy with how I did and my score didn't matter to me. I didn't win a medal and it also did not matter. Then to my surprise (and much delight) Sifu Brinker gave feedback on our forms. Usually the tune of "fix the intensity" comes out, however this time it was not so. This time was that my intensity rose during the form, I didn't start off being intense and I was acknowledged for the work I've been doing in regards to my intensity. Right there was my gold medal. Sifu Brinker also informed me of a couple of technical points for me to fix, but it was the feedback on how my intensity was that mattered the most.
This is the first time that I have not carried home hardware and it didn't matter. Usually I get into the "not good enough" and "self-criticizing" of what I could have done better and on it goes. This time I did my best in that moment and even though I have points to improve on, I was happy with how I did and the feedback I received. I truly had fun at the tournament.
What I also realized when driving to the tournament was what "game on" and playing to win actually means. It means to step into the ring, do my best in the moment without being attached to the outcome and that by doing just that I was playing to win. What a shift and what a gift the Tiger Challenge was to me.
Sherri Donohue
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